I can’t remember a time when I didn’t wonder how things worked. It didn’t matter if it was mom’s toaster, dad’s welder, or Billy’s bike. I couldn’t help myself; I had to take it apart and investigate how it worked. Of course, it was always better to put it back together again – and sometimes I could.

I always knew I wanted to be a scientist, searching for the hidden forces and unseen causes, piercing the veil of the obvious to learn the great mysteries. Edison was my hero, and Einstein my “wholly other.” Mathematics was the only language I thought worthy of serious effort. Everything seemed linked together by an unbroken causality waiting to be discovered and tamed by the super-luminaries – of whom I hoped to be a humble member.

This naïve cosmology was shattered by two complications. The first was the nagging question – why? How and why seemed closely related as long as the issue was strictly cause and effect, as long as meaning and purpose could be ignored. This happy condition was perfectly met as long as I could deal only with molecules. Hence, I intended to be a chemist. But the cosmos had been invaded by another devilish complicating factor – people!

People were enigmatic to me. They simply blow up causality in maddening ways. Furthermore, they were everywhere, never seeming to tire of blowing up everything, never going away or leaving things alone. Some claimed to live for purpose with lives full of meaning, while others claimed there could never be anything like purpose or meaning. Even more maddening to a little scientist was that neither group seemed to live consistently with their claims.

This series of books tells my story. It is a story that parallels the human condition in the post-modern Western world. A world that believed in science and rationality, only to see that belief shattered by two World Wars, persistent poverty and injustice, and growing nihilistic despair. I invite you to walk with me through these books and see if, in the process, you find your way.